My Tarnished Halo

The Camera Man

2009-03-18T08:36:00.001-07:00

Every once in awhile, things come up about the divorce that upset me all over again. I read someone's wish for a video camera and it got me thinking of how my parents bought us a video camera for my anniversary. Well that camera was used up until the divorce, because my Dad offered up to take control of it at all the big events where the camera was on. He stood in the background taping us all enjoying our festivities. And now he's not there. Damnit. He doesn't come to the family functions any more and all those years of my kids being little are not on video tape to enjoy many years down the road. Damnit all.

Enough is Enough

2009-03-03T16:46:00.000-08:00

Since I seem to have a thing for lists, here is a list that will be finished at the end of my post. It needs no crossing off. I don't need to change its order. Contentedness.

I am good enough at soccer.
I've had enough schooling.
I laugh enough.
I know how to save enough money at the grocery store.
I am a good enough cook.
I do unto others enough.
I am patient enough.
I get enough loving.

The more I type the word enough, the funnier it looks.

As Political As I Will Get

2009-01-23T16:27:00.000-08:00

I love how much of an outlet this blog was for me in the beginning. I came to rely on the fact that it was always here for me when things were headed straight downhill. The mood to write often came when I was headed in that direction. But not so much anymore. I hope.

On inauguration night I was in class, but there was flittering buzz of excitement in the room. The hubs has never really "got it" though, so I was soaking it in where I could. Though I wish I'd been able to hear the words from Obama himself, I resorted to reading his speech the next morning. Some critics thought it somber. I once again replenished hope for some changes upcoming in my personal life that on the larger scale might seem a speck, and then for the promise of changes for a nation floundering in many ways, America and her people. Obama's words fell with heavy meaning on my ears...heavy, but not somber:

I think of the soldiers.

"As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages.

We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all."

I think of my role as a citizen.

"Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task."

I think of my children and their future.

"Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations."

-Barack Obama

Finally, it puts words to what my generation is feeling. Hope we can grasp and hold onto. That we are not stuck in our individual situations and that we must all be willing to change some to change the world. We don't live in the same times as our great-grandparents, or honestly even that of our grandparents.

"For the world has changed, and we must change with it." -Barack Obama

No Nonsense

2009-01-08T22:25:00.000-08:00

I wore mismatched socks today. All day. What can I say? I slept in this morning and basically just woke up and grabbed the first clothes I stumbled upon. Yep, hot mess mom driving her minivan and dropping the kids off at school. Well, I didn't get too crazy- it's not like they were brown and burgundy. One was plain white. The other plain white and read "No Nonsense" which is about how it felt knowing I was too lazy to search through the ever-growing clothes pile for their respective mates. It drove me NUTS!

New Frickin' Love

2008-09-04T19:58:00.000-07:00

New Frickin' Love = NFL

You know they say if you pretend to like something long enough you might actually start to like it. Yep, true (except for the departments of ranch dressing and kinky sex) for this woman.

I went my whole life despising the lack of care my dad showed while engrossed in NFL football games every Sunday and Monday. But I was let in on a little secret in fall of '06. My husband's work Fantasy Football league. I drew first pick and of course snatched up Peyton Manning. Manning took his team to the Super Bowl that year and I faithfully watched every Colts game! My first Fantasy Football team I called Brickhouse, the second Beat by a Girl, and this year it's very representative of my home life- HousewivesHoldingOut. A bit obnoxious as it uses every character space available. Already thinking of next year's team name. I'm considering Housewife with Cramps. What man wants to play against that?!

I was seated in front of HD NFL tonight, having dinner delivered to the door. A happy girl. Girls, since I now enjoy NFL with my husband, I have an extra day off every week- Sunday, and I don't even have to cook on Mondays or Thursdays. The housework can wait while the game is on. DH doesn't want me up darting back and forth. He wants me kicking my feet up by his side. Tell me now what is not to love?

A Midsummer Night's Update

2008-07-18T20:13:00.000-07:00

Has it really been May since I last updated? I guess it's like the doctors like to say...no news is good news. It's been a summer of nothing out of the ordinary. Everyone is healthy. I'm getting a much needed break from classes. Even ones that should have been scheduled sooner but we are just now getting to- swim lessons. Hey, we're still hitting the pool at Mom's regularly so I'm going to count that.

Borrowing a sweet little idea from Lorraine's blog here to update on Connor. He is 4 years and 2 months tomorrow.

Connor likes:

Getting wet

Watering the flowers at GiGi's

Telling me what to write down and then reading it back

Pokemon

Swimming with his life jacket on

Aunt JoJo

Bananas

Legos

Doing whatever big brothers do

When big brothers read to him

Tiny dogs

Giraffes

Telling us about his dreams

Talking on the phone

Watching How It's Made

Twirling my hair in his fingers

Camping

Hot dogs, especially BBQd

Making the people around him laugh

Mother's Day Pledge

2008-05-11T16:08:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day, while commercialized, is still at the heart a genuine time for children and mothers to reflect on their special relationship. Handmade gifts are about the sweetest thing; an acknowledgement of a mother's special role in the life of her child. Yeah, I know that without the urging of a teacher I'd be less likely to receive one of them but it really is about the thought they put into it once the ball is rolling.

Weston brought home a Mother's Day Pledge paper rolled up like a scroll. It says "As my gift to you for Mother's Day, I promise to..."

#5 Not to fight with Tyler and not make Connor mad.

#4 Not to do sound effects.

#3 Make hot dogs and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

#2 Do all the chores in the house for video games.

Of course I saved the best for last!

#1 Worship you.

Yep, that's what it says word for word! From the heart of an 8 yr. old. Too funny! Something I'll keep a long time. And wouldn't you know there was an addendum as I was unrolling it- "Mom, you can only do one of these a day and you have to cross them off after."

Not so fast

2008-04-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

87 words

Speedtest

Carefree

2008-04-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

The kids ran the neighborhood back then. The culmination of our activities took place in "the circle," which was a grass area which the road encircled. As one of the older kids, I was probably what they'd have called bossy. But I was also full of creativity so we played games like who can invent the most interesting creation from junk findings from garages and nearby dusty fields, and building forts using whatever materials we could scavenge that our parents wouldn't miss; old lumber, torn sheets, bungee cords, you name it.

Childhood games filled many a day. Touch football. Fort building. Bike riding tournaments. Tag of any sort. Picking on siblings. Fly up. Red rover. Dodge ball. The type of clubs where so and so was not allowed so they made their own club. Any venture to make money from snow cones of crushed ice doused in Kool-aid or carnivals with haphazardly constructed booths. Eventually we discovered that you can take any childhood game and it becomes ten times as fun if played at night. Hide and go seek was much more intense as evening fell. Little brother, I'm sorry hide and go seek at night sometimes brought out the worst in me as a time or two I tried to scare the bejeezus out of you.

We spent more time outside then. Our parents didn't have to watch us so closely. In fact, I hardly remember them being around at all. I remember my dad would go about his hobby working on cars in the driveway and we came and went at our leisure. We even walked a good 4-5 blocks to the neighborhood market with a dollar to buy candy. I use to save up my candy money to buy grocery store toys and I put them in a box which I took to baby-sitting jobs. They were probably choking hazards stamped Made in China fo' sho'.

We were probably more supervised than we thought, with other children's parents looking out for us when our activities brought us near their homes. I find myself wishing today that I could give my children the gift of such a carefree childhood. The gift of having to solve their own problems amongst themselves and more importantly how to entertain themselves.

I kicked the boys out into the yard yesterday after a morning of video games and all I heard was "This is boring. There's nothing to do." Is it not play that quintessentially defines childhood? Do I really need to teach them to PLAY?!

Good God.

*(Comes to a horrible realization.)*

Maybe I do.

Reality check mommas. Screen time just isn't cutting it. Tomorrow I reach up into my childhood memories and retrieve some games that are just too good to leave behind, like toilet tag and sardines. Here we go looby looooooo!

My "Mom Smell"

2008-03-28T15:48:00.000-07:00

My mom has a unique smell that is ingrained in her belongings, so much so that I can usually tell when she gives me things if it's something old or something new. My mom's scent is an olfactory explosion of Tide laundry detergent, black coffee, cigarette smoke, and Elizabeth Taylor White Diamonds perfume.

Mine would be a medley something like this- Tide laundry detergent & Kirkland Signature dryer sheets, coffee & caramel, Clinique Happy perfume, and lavender vanilla.

What's your "mom smell?"

What I Learned in Chemistry Class

2008-03-20T10:02:00.000-07:00

Last Night's Dream

2008-03-20T07:25:00.000-07:00

I was in a dorm room of some sort, living alone. This family would come by and make me do things I didn't want to or else they'd harm me. There was some kind of gas in the room and they told me to do stuff or they'd light a match. I wouldn't do what they asked so they lit it and BOOM. They disappeared but I was fine which led to the next part of my dream.

I was holding a baby girl from a very large family and they were all with me sitting in some stadium bleachers facing an ice-covered lake. Some people were down below performing. We were all singing. Just then the family's golden retriever walked onto the lake and fell in the ice and couldn't get out so I ran over and handed the baby back to her mom and dad and with a few other brave souls from the crowd, my brother included, we ran out to save the dog. Trouble was the first few that got there fell into the ice too. It was a rescue mission. Someone got the dog. My brother and another man were still in the icy water. Movements slowing.

I slunk out on the ice to get my brother. I ripped off my zip-up gray hooded sweatshirt and tossed a sleeve to him. He wasn't able to grab on the first few times but I encouraged him to muster up the strength the third or fourth time and I slowly pulled him up onto the ice. I was able to grab a nearby chain-link fence and pull us both to safety and kept repeating to him that the ambulance would be there soon.

Woke up wondering what it all meant. Plan to find out. Decoding to come.

**********

I'm focusing on the part of the dream that was more interesting to me, that of my brother in the icy water. I am getting my dream Interpretations from 10,000 Dreams Interpreted book by Gustavus Hindman Miller.

Brother: If your brother is poor and in distress, or begging for assistance, you will be called to a deathbed soon or some dire loss will overwhelm you or them. YIKES!

Bathing in ice-water: Anticipated pleasures will be interrupted with an unforeseen event.

Walking on ice: You risk much solid comfort and respect for evanescent joys.

Rescue: To rescue others foretells that you will be esteemed for your good deeds.

Letting Go of 4.0

2008-03-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

I must admit something about myself. For those of you that went to school with me, you already know. I heard a new term for it the other night so I'll go with it. I'm a grade whore. There you have it. Quite simply, I always strive for the A. For as long as I can remember I've done what it takes to get the A and always completed the extra credit like a nice ripe cherry on top in the rare case I were to fall short in another aspect of the class. Seeing A's on my report cards has always been quite pleasing, like finding my favorite Easter candy on the shelves in February.

I find myself in a bit of a different situation than when I was a student previously. In two of my classes, to get the A I had to go above and beyond. I had to write research papers. I hadn't written a research paper for years. And then my dryer broke down. We committed the kids to Tae Kwon Do. I hadn't cooked a real meal or sat down to eat for over a week. I'm full of excuses- I know! but I had to make some decisions as to how I was going to divide my attention. Surprised myself this time. I compromised and did one paper. Worked on that thing two days straight. It meant I was automatically accepting that I'd get no greater than a B in one of the classes. May even be able to attribute a little lost sleep to that decision.

As a side note, I didn't realize how terrible it is not to have a washer & dryer of my own. Calculate the amount of days the old one was broken 'til the new washer came which was 9 x 3 boys x 1 husband's dirty work and play clothes and that's how much laundry I had to haul elsewhere to do. Thankfully my family stepped up and lent me their laundry rooms!

I know the grade thing doesn't sound so bad and I've been teased all along for my "A" attitude but this time I know I made the right choice. I've been doing mom stuff and homemaker stuff, like figuring out the new spacesque front loading washer & dryer we just got. Major planning for this weekend's events too. Best friend comes home today, like any moment now.

I'll be celebrating so many things during the coming days. Even going to celebrate that report card because it means the first quarter is OVER!

Which makes a more powerful picture?

2008-03-18T08:13:00.000-07:00

The one that you know the story behind

The one that evokes emotion with no words at all?

Moist, Mucus, Gurgle

2008-03-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

If the title didn't already turn you away from my blog topic 'o' the night, those must not be your word aversions. This evening I meandered blog to blog fascinated by these word aversions. Just like a pregnant woman can inhale a whiff of her food aversion and feel her stomach turn, words can be turned into a personal verbal faux pas of sorts...words that invoke illness at their sight or cause cringing as they cross the lips.

My journey started here, following a blurb from Michelle Williams' interview in Elle magazine's April issue. Michelle is truly a candid beauty, inside and out. She mentions how her hand is pictured in Dan Estabrook's artwork here, in a piece called Bleed.
http://pathetica.net/

{{If you have a moment longer, check out "Nine Symptoms" in his artwork section. Lovesick. Love and sickness. The symptoms are the same. It's peculiar and fascinating that our bodies display equivalent physical reactions to vastly different diagnoses.}}

Still with me? I clicky clicked on his blog where it told me to, came to another blog and scrolled down and the word "moist" bit my tongue. My word aversion. Bile crept up in my throat. Maybe bile is your word aversion?
http://parenthetically.blogspot.com/

The rest of the night is history. Here are some of the places "word aversion" took me. Hey, you can even put a name to this phenomenon now. By the way, it appears more females are tortured by the word moist than men. Note the meanings are not necessarily indicators of if a word is pleasing or atrocious.

The Moist Panties Phenomenon
http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/%7Emyl/languagelog/archives/004835.html

Led to others...
http://www.theperfectworld.us/thread.php?id=940

http://southby06.blogspot.com/2006/07/elements-of-style.html

http://theraininmypurse.blogspot.com/2007/05/conjuring-gross-and-beautiful-things.html

**********

I leave you with a little meme of my own creation. Please take it and make it your own. Link me if you like it. I've no more time tonight to name names. Bed is calling.

5 words you love: Loquacious, Adore, Soliloquies, Blessing, Indubitably

5 words you loathe: Moist, Mucus, Gurgle, Breech, Globule

A word you use way too often: Maybe

A word you can't stand to hear mispronounced: Washington

A word that is new to you and its definition: Glossolalia- fabricated and unmeaningful speech

This thing kicked my butt!

2008-03-05T14:56:00.000-08:00

I wanted to incorporate strength training into what I do daily, so I picked up one of these babies.

http://www.amazon.com/GoFit-10-Pound-Kettlebell-Training-Exercise/dp/B000XLZOGQ/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=sporting-goods&qid=1204757910&sr=8-2

Swung it around a few times and phew this thing is going to do the trick. I have that great post-workout high and all I did was practice the basic positions found on the DVD inside. I could really use the toning and heck if this thing burns some fat on top of that benefit, more power to me...it can take all it wants from the stomach region!

Update on Target customer service

2008-03-03T11:59:00.000-08:00

The replacement party kit had the EXACT SAME flaw. Target.com fully refunded my money AND let me keep the second kit too. Pretty cool.

Now to find other anniversary party supplies. Any ideas?

For Our Weekend of Celebration

2008-02-25T12:26:00.000-08:00

We found another way to celebrate our 10th. The little sister of a high school friend invited us to her wedding the same weekend we are celebrating. What better way to celebrate the anniversary of our vows by going and watching a couple make theirs brand new? It's a chance to get all fancy dressed up and mingle with old friends and I can't wait to be there as they commit.

Customer Service Rave

2008-02-23T09:24:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes I know you are probably wondering "Who is that SAPtastic lovestruck fool that keeps posting on Shelly's blog?" Uh, yeah.

Aside from that, I want to take second to rave about Target.com's customer service. I ordered an anniversary party kit for next month but received it with various pieces from another party kit inside instead, the bachelorette kit of all things! I called Target.com customer service and they ordered a replacement to be shipped to me expedited, plus they let me keep the other kit as a "gift from Target.com." So... who wants a bachelorette party?!

It's the Little Things

2008-02-22T21:11:00.000-08:00

Ran across a great article tonight titled "23 Ways to Celebrate Your Marriage" and it's definitely work skimming if you have a few moments.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/couplesandmarriage/articlerb.aspx?cp-documentid=6143052&GT1=10920

I particularly like #4 Keep a sex diary and #5 Take the happy challenge. I'm also going to work on #9 Re-create your early bonding ritual. When we were dating we would frequently go out behind the racetrack in his little blue truck, a prime make-out spot in the desert. When we started talking "family vehicle" he reluctantly sold his little blue truck which we'd had taken us to the place where many great early memories were made. Last summer we purchased a little

blue truck and I'm thinking I will re-create some of the things I remember about it, such as the little token I'd given him to hang on his rear view mirror,and how I'd sit right next to him with my hand on his leg while he drove, maybe even park out in the desert and watch the stars from the tailgate.

He's the one always saying "It's the little things," and he's right because those are the ones that slip through your fingers like grains of shifting sand, but those little things piled together could make an entire sandcastle with some effort.

A Celebration Is in the Works

2008-02-20T12:47:00.000-08:00

It is most certainly a good thing it wasn't my New Year's resolution to blog daily! Couldn't keep up with that one!

I'm in the midst of planning a celebration of the 10+ years of sanctified, blessed, devoted love I share with my husband. 10 years may not seem like all that much, but we have defied the odds. Our friends and co-workers and parents divorce all around us and we watch the tatterings of broken hearts falling apart before our very eyes. All the while as a couple we are learning and growing from their mistakes...it won't happen to us if we both want this so badly, right?

10 years is just the number of years since the vows we took, but we've know eachother almost 3 years more than that. Nearly half the years of my life I have spent with the man I call my husband. For all we've been through and for all we've been blessed with, we've decided to mark this special event with a celebration. Not just any cake & ice-cream celebration, but one that lasts the entire weekend and includes our family and our friends. Since we like poker so much, we're holding a poker tournament for our friends and then we'll hold a separate family celebration to thank them for all their support. Then of course we'll fit in some couple time somehow, with the specifics yet to be determined but I assure you with a wink, wink that it will be highly reminiscent of those days back when we were dating when we told my parents we were doing chemistry homework at his house! ;)

Insensitivity

2008-01-18T13:03:00.000-08:00

He's usually not the kind of guy to put me down, but I guess he did it unknowingly this time. I wore my favorite local arena football team jersey to class last night. Hubs mentioned that now I'd have a conversation starter and I said "Yep, I'm going to tell my classmates that I'm a cheerleader for the team." Hubs replies "Yeah, you could be...(long pause)....on maternity leave." A-hole! I think he seriously thought he was giving me a compliment!

Finding Meaning in a Stranger's Words

2008-01-15T13:17:00.000-08:00

I was moved by a fellow blogger today. Just completely reeled in by this blog written by a husband whose wife has cystic fibrosis and while she's waiting for a double lung transplant, they discover they are going to have a baby. Time stood still while I read their story. Events unfold by way of blogosphere and you can be drawn in whether you knew them all along or just met them today as I have. It reminds me that while I use my blog as an outlet for minor annoyances and my not-so-exciting daily life that people out there are hopelessly devoted to each other and their fragile lives are hanging in the balance and that sometimes we are connected merely by something as simple as words at first, until FAITH takes a hold. So please, take a moment to meet Nathan, Tricia & Gwyneth.

http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/

Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho...

2008-01-07T18:50:00.001-08:00

It's off to school I go! I'm picking up where I left off after baby #3, to finish my Early Childhood Education degree. Now I wonder with all the hubbub surrounding Santa's token "Ho Ho Ho!" phrase being offensive, if the dwarves shall have to sing new lyrics? Were they somehow inferring that Snow White was a "ho?" She did live with 7 little men. One has to wonder.

See, I really need to give my mind something intellectual to wrap itself around. You may have heard of "pregnancy brain," the condition in which short-term memory somehow doesn't perform adequately during a pregnancy (AND NO I'M NOT SUFFERING FROM THIS!) but being a full-time, stay-at-home-mom for most of the years of my children's lives has done a number on my brain I assure you. I don't have to think much farther than elementary homework help and "what can I make for dinner using extra chicken breasts and rice that I cooked up along with last night's dinner to prevent us from having to run to McDonald's for last-minute dinner because we are doing a last minute house cleaning right before Daddy is supposed to walk through the door?" That's about as complicated as it gets.

I have deadlines. I have projects. I have reading. Quite a bit of it. I get to drive to the school 3 times a week, ALONE just blaring whatever music my heart desires while I sing along. Yep I sing along and I don't care if you drive by and see me doing it. I do great drums on the steering wheel. Somehow this all makes me MORE efficient than usual. There isn't laundry waiting in the dryer to be fluffed and folded. The sink is surprisingly nearly empty, boasting only dishes from tonight's sweet & sour chicken & jasmine rice. Dinner tomorrow is chicken divan. Look ma, no slacking!

Corny

2007-12-17T21:03:00.000-08:00

It was a dark and stormy night...ok...it was just a drizzle but it was indeed dark. It was after 9pm. I was glancing woefully over at my Free large movie popcorn coupon which would expire come Friday. When I mentioned craving movie theater popcorn with extra salt, sweet ol' hubby of mine logged off of his extremely popular role-playing game and said he'd go retrieve me some! I did promise something about some nookie later, so either I've been holding out on him something awful (which I swear I haven't) or he just wanted to do something sweet. I think maybe a little Christmas spirit snuck inside him! Off to enjoy the popcorn while I sit next to the man I love.

The Walker Incident

2007-12-13T10:47:00.001-08:00

It's hard to watch someone you love become less and less independent. Today I watched my Grandmother reduced to tears because one of her so-called "friends" teased her about having to use a walker. My Grandma already uses a cane and is resistant to having to change to a walker. This "friend" took my Grandma to the drugstore with her prescription for a walker and did nothing but embarrass and tease her in front of the clerk, even pretending to shuffle clumsily down the aisle while trying out one of the walkers herself. My Grandma was in tears as she told me about the incident. I told her that anyone who would do such a thing is not a true friend. I watched a grown woman cry today and her ridiculous excuse for a friend should be ashamed of herself.

A Pieceless Puzzle, really?

2007-10-15T20:47:00.001-07:00

What they won't come up with! My Mom & Grandma are puzzle fanatics doing everything from 2-sided puzzles to 3-D puzzles to puzzles with titles such as "Hay in a Needlestack." Will the pass their test?

Check out the Gamewright Pieceless Puzzle here:

Being Right, Goals, Bum Trigger Finger

2007-09-26T15:49:00.000-07:00

I took on the role of "that mom that makes healthy lunches" all too ambitiously, as I am discovering bento was not all it's cracked up to be. I am still sending cold lunch 2-3 times per week, but I am mixing it up by sending some regular, dull sack lunches too. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be sending bento style lunches every day but it is a drain on my time and effort to get the kids to eat healthy ha ha. It's frustrating to hear of untouched and/or discarded veggies. It takes a lot of time and creativity to stay positive through this process. Fortunately, I have those. Unfortunately, those skills when translated into food service aren't always appreciated by the little men. Just getting this out will probably be enough to motivate me for another week or two. Or I could just browse some bento porn to get me in the mood: http://www.flickr.com/groups/396900@N24/

Tyler has come home from school a few days this week upset to the point of tears. I really couldn't put my finger on what was wrong until Jason and I sat down to have a talk with him. He's in the gifted and talented ed class (I'll call it GATE from here on out) composed of other really talented and gifted students and quite frankly, he's not the top dog anymore. He's getting frustrated when he doesn't understand and upset when he's wrong. The kid does not like to be wrong. Gee, I wonder where he got THAT from? I see this class as a tremendous opportunity for him but he's such an emotional guy that I will carefully have to monitor the benefits the class gives him vs. the stress and emotion he feels on a day-to-day basis. Something as simple as being told the way he did a graph before was no longer going to be used put the kid into silent tears in the middle of class.

I can't remember if I've mentioned that I will be going back to school myself. The funding has come through for me (go Mom!) and that was the last push I needed to finish up. The longer I am away from books and studying and lectures, the harder it gets to go back. I've been caring for another 3 yr. old for about a week and this just solidifies that I want to run home daycare or work in a daycare or something of the sort. It was a long time coming, but I am finally getting this solid picture of what I want to do next. Once I finish schooling to get my early childhood education degree and get certified to do in-home daycare, I want to move into a place set up specifically with caring for children in mind. A bigger house for all of us but also cozy with plenty of room to be creative and run in circles and be well, kids.

A fall goal of mine was to pass on the torch of team captain for soccer. I am still completely devoted to playing soccer but am free of the work of team captain. I also want to score a goal this season, sort of hard to do playing defender but possible, entirely possible. I need to get back my aggressiveness. I had a minor injury that was a direct result of being aggressive and I noticed I've eased off my level of play since. I've even looked into roller derby!

Entering yet another poker tourney this weekend. My wildly unattainable dream would be to win the lotto and play poker professionally! I placed third in 2/3 of the last tournaments entered. Now that's not bringing home the big bucks but I am getting enough money back to continue playing without feeling terrible guilt.

If you can spare get well vibes, my Dad is fighting what the docs think is staph infection in his hand where he injured his finger. It was smashed at work but didn't break or cut the skin. A day or two after splinting it, he passed out at work while in a truck (thankfully not driving) and had to be taken by ambulance. He learned his finger was infected. He's got nearly a month off of work but that's killing him because it's hunting season and it's his trigger finger that's injured. How's that for irony? He's not responding to antibiotics quite like they would like to see. He should get results from the staph test back Friday.

I think that's about it. I'm happy to report that all is good in the marriage department! What seemed to be the bulk of my problems when I started this blog is without a doubt a thing of the past. Even with hunting season approaching, my love holds steadfast.

!@*&#% Small Towns

2007-09-11T14:49:00.000-07:00

I wonder how long one can avoid running into a particular someone known to reside in same small town. Eluding violation by tumultuous 3rd party since December of 2006. Close call in February of 2007. Would it be better to just swallow this bad medicine? Ugh!!

For my Java-Loving Buds

2007-09-11T13:46:00.000-07:00

It's easy to check out Folgers Gourmet Selections. Just sign up to receive a free 1.1-ounce sample of Bistro Blend, Crème Brûlée, Vanilla Biscotti or Chocolate Truffle by mail.

Bento Bust

2007-09-07T16:51:00.000-07:00

Weston hardly touched his lunch shown in the post below. Tyler claims he ate 4 beans. So I guess that means edamame is a no-go. Does anyone have any good recipes using frozen edamame?

Edamame

2007-09-07T08:21:00.000-07:00

The sneaky bento ingredient of the day is edamame, the soybean...A.K.A. "Beans on Branches." It's unshelled and straight from the freezer this time, as there should be sufficient time to thaw before lunchtime. Also, I know all three boys like bananas so I went with banana chips to see if we get results there. Wes' lunch is pictured above, along with ranch dip and a vanilla soymilk.

Mid-week Bento

2007-09-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

Tried the Williams-Sonoma ice-cream sandwich molds I bought for hard boiled egg cow (top) and rice stars (bottom). The detail isn't showing on the cow-shaped egg but it's (hopefully) irresistibly cute in person. Both "new" foods I'm sneaking into the bentos today. We shall see how it goes. Wes mentioned that the substitute school principal was checking out his lunch last time and said "Well that's the coolest lunch I've seen today in the whole cafeteria!"

Comfort Foods

2007-09-03T21:34:00.000-07:00

We all have them. It could be a dish of familiarity. It could be that special dish you save as a "reward" for a bad day or a job well done. When stressed, some of us turn to our comfort foods. Many of us associate our comfort foods with childhood or good home-cooking.

I had my comfort food today. Good ol' warm huckleberry dumplings with a scoop of vanilla ice-cream. It just takes me straight back to childhood. After school I'd walk to Grandma's and she'd have a pot on the stove simmering huckleberry dumplings and the whole place smelled wildly of berry. She'd tell me how she lovingly picked each fresh berry in the mountains, all the while watching out for hungry black bears. Then she'd always serve us up as much as I wanted, with pure vanilla ice-cream that melted right as it touched the berry-and-dough concoction. It was like a taste of heaven by way of bowl. Then Grandma would sit down with me and I could talk about my day at school or complain about how strict my parents were or how hard it was having a brother. I always felt better after I left Gram's with an empty conscious and a full belly.

Grandma hasn't lost her touch. Her huckleberry dumplings still work like a charm today and I'm feeling rather peaceful and blessed she's still around to cook for us all and there to listen to me bare my soul when I need it most.

2007-08-31T12:42:00.000-07:00

I get to show them off after all! They were in today's mail. That was lightning fast shipping! I highly recommend this eBay seller: satsukiyamiinc

I've been eBaying!

2007-08-31T11:10:00.000-07:00

In our small town, I don't know of any specialty Asian markets so I relied on eBay for the last few things I just HAD to pick up. Again, I'd show the pictures but the pictures aren't mine to show.

Happy Balloon Orange Bento Box for Ty
Happy Balloon Blue Bento Box for Wes
Zoo animals toothpick set for Bento
Williams-Sonoma Ice Cream Sandwich Molds (great for rice or hard boiled eggs)

Found some silicone molds at the Dollar Tree, of which I grabbed a bear and star. Also picked up blue and orange insulated lunch bags for their bento boxes to go inside. Target carries the Lock & Lock box which has the snap down lids like the ones I purchased at Dollar Tree, but it has 4 removable containers inside. That one will be for Connor.

Lunch Today

2007-08-31T11:06:00.000-07:00

Not much new today except I sent fried rice with Tyler that was leftover from dinner. I told him he could try it cold or microwave it. He loves pistachios so I filled up some space with those. Weston will be trying string cheese and ham cube shish-ka-bobs. There's about 5 of them in there- I know it's hard to tell. The cup is ranch dressing for his oak leaf-shaped cucumbers and baby carrots.

The Real Test...

2007-08-29T20:02:00.000-07:00

Would be if they ate it, right? Tyler ate everything, and liked it. Weston skipped on his veggies (lil' stinker) but ate everything else. And Connor polished off everything, even the cucumbers and ranch. We pretended that he was a long-necked giraffe nibbling leaf-shaped cucumbers from the tree tops. He even scarfed down his sandwich, and he's not a big sandwich eater unless they are dinosaur sandwiches apparently! The major success today: 2/3 boys ate cucumbers and LIKED them ha ha!

School Lunch Bento #1

2007-08-29T11:47:00.001-07:00

Weston's at top: Strawberry & pineapple shish-ka-bobs, leaf-shaped cucumbers on green pepper strips, ranch to dip, garlic and herb veggie chips, cheese wheel, dino-shaped cream cheese & strawberry jam sandwiches, organic smoothie

Tyler's at bottom: Same except for grapes instead of strawberries and baby carrots instead of pepper, buy milk at school

I'll let you know how successful it was when they get home and I can check their lunch containers for leftovers. Just for kicks, here they are right before they left for the 1st day back to school.

What to pack in cute boxes?

2007-08-26T21:31:00.001-07:00

Ok the boys are totally not going to like me calling any part of this process CUTE ha ha! I figured I'd list some of the things the boys really like, followed by some variations and maybe some ways to slightly tweak them to introduce new foods.

Ty's faves: Rice, Chili, Cottage Cheese w/ Fruit, Pineapple, Roast, Mac & Cheese, Rolls, Pistachios, Quesadillas, Tacos, Hot Dogs, Turkey

To try for Ty: fried rice, shaped white rice, mini tacos or taquitos, tamale, fruit kebob, corn muffins with veggies or diced meat mixed in, shaped hot dogs, other nuts, pinwheel sandwich

Wes' faves: Chicken & noodles, Strawberries, Pineapple, Green pepper, String Cheese, Cottage Cheese w/ Fruit, Roast, Pork, Rolls, Meatballs, Salami, Enchilada

To try for Wes: strawberry and kiwi mix, blueberries, mini tacos or taquitos, tamale, burrito, meatballs with different seasonings, meatballs on rice, fruit kebob, baybel cheese, cucumber slices or sticks

C.J.'s faves: Chicken, Pasta, esp. Mac & Cheese, Grapes, Bananas, Cheese, Turkey, Hot Dogs, Raisins, String Cheese, Sausage, Roast, Rolls, Grilled Cheese

To try for C.J.: pasta salad, shaped grilled cheese and ham, shaped hot dogs, raisin pudding, raviolis, sliced cheese shapes, sausage wrapped in pancake, fruit kebob, sliced ham shapes, baybel cheese, bologna shapes, banana chips

The Stand-Ins

2007-08-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

The Dollar Tree of all places had some containers that will suffice until I can get the real deal! They're all 4 cup size and microwaveable, freezer proof, and top rack dishwasher safe. I prefer the ones on the right because of the closures but I'll have to sort of divide them into sections myself. I'll be using silicone baking cups for this. Michael's has square ones that should do and the bright colors will show through the clear plastic- nice! Plus, silicone baking cups are reusable and easy to wash.

Semi-successful

2007-08-26T15:48:00.000-07:00

My first hunt for bento accessories while fun, proved only semi-successful. I can't find the actual bento boxes. It's kind of hard to describe the whole process without them! If you google bento you'll get results but I don't want to steal their pictures. The food seriously looks like artwork in some of them, it's amazing! It looks like I'll be doing a bunch of my shopping online, by way of eBay. I did however find some prep tools/accessories.

*DynoBytes sandwich cutter
*Plastic toothpicks
*Muppets plastic cutlery
*6-pc. mini cookie cutter set with a "harvest" theme
*10 pack of mini takeout boxes

I'm considering picking up a couple of these from Tupperware which will suffice:
http://order.tupperware.com/pls/htprod_www/tup_show_item.show_item_detail

(Remember those horrid red-orange ones many of us had as kids?!)

but I'd also like to get some actual Japanese bento boxes. Another option is the Laptop Lunch, which you can also google. Now that is really cool as it comes with a water bottle which the schools are allowing the kids to have with them at all times this year. Menu plan to come next!

Into Bento

2007-08-25T22:15:00.000-07:00

For years, children have dreaded opening their brown-bag lunches. Squashed peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, tiny fragments of potato chips,and bruised bananas are none too appealing! But here comes bento, the Japanese style of packing food into neat divided sections in ways that attract the eye. They call it the bento-box. The twist is in making the foods visually appealing. An added benefit is that the containers keep foods from mixing and mushing all together. Small containers also lead to packing a little from each food group, leading to less overeating. The result is a simple, healthful lunch that begs to be eaten.

The school provided lunch this year is $2.70. At 5 days a week that is $13.50 per child. $27 a week for two children. My out-of-pocket expense for one month of school provided hot lunches would be $108! The bargain hunter in me tells me I can do better. And I can definitely do better than hot dogs, corn dogs, and pizza day in and day out.

Hence, my search for bento. The concept appeals to me. I'm hoping my picky toddler will also catch on to bento and give some new foods a try, or at least give some old foods a new chance. The cute and colorful containers are the first purchase I plan on, followed by cookie cutters ranging in size, silicone baking cups, sauce containers, egg molds, character toothpicks, maybe even a wavy veggie shredder. My bento adventure starts tomorrow and I'm so excited! I'll be sure and report back how it goes.

!^&@$*#^%!

2007-08-18T05:56:00.000-07:00

You know the day has started out wrong (very wrong) when are awoken way too early...on a weekend...by mad painful CRAMPS!

A Very Wise Rat Once Said

2007-08-11T23:08:00.001-07:00

"Each of your brothers has strengths and weaknesses. You must learn to be strong when they are weak. If you don't learn to recognize this...then all hope is lost for our family." -Master Splinter, Sensei

Slight Disappointments

2007-08-11T13:46:00.000-07:00

Life is full of them, but if we dwell on them, we lose sight of what's in front of us that makes us truly happy.

I cried a little inside as my gel-lathered belly lay exposed on the ultrasound table. Child #3 was a boy. A wriggling, squirming boy with a rather large head compared to the size of his body. I turned from my husband to shield my eyes from his view, the wetness welling in them like an ocean opening up to swallow a toy sailboat. We already had two boys and this was to be our last baby. There would be no little girl in my future. I wouldn't be buying any cute dresses or baby dolls. I would be surrounded by dirt and dump trucks.

As I got used to the little life occupying my tummy, I came to know where he nestled his sweet little feet (directly under my left ribs) and when he was awake I'd have his two big brothers talk to him and they exclaimed they would read to him and show him how to play T-ball and all the things that big brothers do. And he'd respond by nudging my belly and I'd put the boys' grubby little hands there to feel him kick back and their faces lit up with wonder. Shortly after this he got a name, Connor, by which we called him often as we spoke gently to him. And he was so real to us. So lively. So wanted. The ache in my heart for a girl dulled.

Connor is 3 now. It's been nothing but the joy of my heart to watch the boys grow up together. Tyler is protective and nurturing. He often has made Connor breakfast before I get out of bed. He thinks of ways to include everyone in the games they play. Weston dares the other two to step out of their shells. He's the go-getter and his creative mind is always inventing new adventures. Connor is our laughter. He's very in tuned to feelings and is quite well at giving you a kiss and a cuddle when you need it most. All three together however intertwine to nurture each other and where one is weak, the others strong. When one falls, the others pick him up and dust him off. Sadness is nothing a little wrassle with brothers cannot ward off.

My Mom said a few days ago that I am having trouble letting go of. She was introducing us to my Uncle's old buddy from HS and she said "And this is Connor. He was supposed to be the girl." What the hell? I'm standing right there with Jason and the boys and Jason and I exchanged "the look." I bit my tongue but I'm still hurt by it. Imagine if Connor understood or she says something that bright down the road when he does? I'm just surprised she feels that way because we let go of the temporary upset of not having a girl in our family long ago. We absolutely love our boys! My slight disappointment is now aimed at my mother.

What Connor was supposed to be, he is. He completes and complements our quite goofy and fun-loving family of 5. One of many lessons the boys have taught me unknowingly is that dwelling in disappointment is losing time that would be better spent enjoying my blessings.

It's Me

2007-08-10T20:39:00.000-07:00

You Are An INFJ

The Protector
You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.
In love, you truly see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow.You enjoy relationships as long as they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation.
At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support.You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher. How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful
When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable

What's" Your Personality Type?

Happy 50th Birthday Mom

2007-08-02T21:39:00.000-07:00

I think we're finally on the up and up. We've laughed together and cried together. Laughed AT each other and cried our share of tears that the other had no idea were ever shed. The last few years have strained our mother/daughter relationship but here we are eating dinner together like a family once again. May you find continued happiness in all that you do. Love you!

Hot as Hell

2007-07-11T15:01:00.000-07:00

Got out of talking to the door-to-door religious fanatics just now. The AC in our van is out so we've been using the 455 AC, 4 windows down on the highway! I saw them casing the neighbors house as I pulled into the driveway so I cranked up the radio to BLARING and they heard "...you're crazy bitch, but you f^&% so good, I'm on top of it. When I dream, I'm doing you all night. Scratches all down my back to keep me right on!" I am quite sure the glance they exchanged was that of disbelief when they noticed I had kids in the car with me. I was in disbelief that they were wearing full on suits and walking up and down the streets when it is 104* here. Needless to say, they walked BY my house as I unloaded a few bags of groceries and proceeded to burden our other neighbors with their inane religious propaganda.

Word

2007-06-12T10:42:00.001-07:00

Does anyone stand by their word anymore? What is the value of the words coming out of your mouth? Think back a month or so and try to remember if you've let someone down because you said you'd do something and didn't follow through. We've all done it at some point or another. Hell, we've even let ourselves down. It's simple- if you don't have any intent to ever follow through, don't say you will! If you are unsure, say so! Before you open your mouth, be ready to stand by your word. If you do that, I will put huge amounts of trust and respect into you.

F for Effort

2007-05-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

At least I made an effort. You don't want to bother, that's on you. I don't know why I expected any more. Hell, you should have stopped me in the beginning. Misled me. That's on you. "F" for effort, pinned to you. I will waste no more time on YOU.

Fiery Disaster Averted!

2007-05-07T14:03:00.000-07:00

A storm this weekend pushed a nice surge through our electrical. The power blacked out for maybe 5 seconds and then came right back on. That's when we started having electrical problems, first seeming to stem from the T.V./cable box. While on, it seemed to have surges of power flashing off and on with no rhyme or reason. DH is a cable guy so he did the usual cable trouble-shooting, replaced the box, checked the T.V., but nothing doing. A day later and I'm sensing his frustration. I walk by the fridge and notice it too is shutting on and off. DH took a look behind the fridge and was shocked (not literally!) to find that the electrical receptacle was arcing! The wallpaper was literally fried brown and some of the plastic had melted away. Look at the discoloration in the picture. When I tipped the receptable on the paper to take a picture, charred remains fell out. Thank God we caught this in time. It really caught me off guard. Things happen so fast and I am just so thankful that this time all is ok. I can't get over how lucky we are.

The easiest way to stay on a diet when going out to eat is

2007-05-02T17:54:00.000-07:00

FINDING A HAIR IN YOUR FOOD! Blech, ugh, puke puke. I have THE worst luck when it comes to finding something foreign in my food. I don't even want to describe what kind of hair it was, oh you know the stories. This was THAT hair. After two slices of quesadilla, I flat out lost my appetite. Jason keeps telling me not to look at my food but to me that's asking for trouble. I could've choked!

The only thing that turned the night around was Baskin Robbins .31 cent scoop night! So yay for low fat pineapple-coconut ice-cream!

Failure to Remember

2007-05-01T13:34:00.000-07:00

I am plagued by a bad memory. I took my Grandma out to run her errands. Before going in the grocery store, I listed outloud the 3 things I needed to pick up. By checkout time, I only had two of the three and neither of us could recall the third. Now Grandma is 78. She has an excuse! I'm only 28. Wth? If my memory is this bad now, what do I have to look forward to? On the way to drop her off, I was sipping from my water bottle. And it hit me. Single serve powdered drink flavor packets. All this water I've been drinking is entirely too bland. At least I remembered, but it woulda been so much more helpful to remember AT the grocery store.

Losing...

2007-04-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

can be a good thing! I woke up Saturday morning just after Jason. He was reading quietly in the living room so I asked if he'd come back to bed and cuddle with me. He obliged and we were laying there in silence when I just blurted out "Let's start a diet together." Now we'd both put thought into this before but never had the follow through. Frankly, I was tired of hearing him ask for help losing weight when I didn't exactly know how to go about it either.

So many reasons to lose...energy being a big one for me. Our family vacation is at a water park. My 10 year high school reunion is pending this summer. When I was doing Curves last summer, I bought some new clothes for this summer but now they are a little snug. I want to be a good example for my children. I could continue.

With Jason and I supporting each other, we can share in our successes and find fixes for failures. What I fear most is being able to find motivation- to exercise, to prepare healthier foods rather than give in to convenience and fast foods. Right now I'm going on the excitement of a new plan of action, and I am looking forward to weighing in Saturday. I am afraid that with less to lose that it will come off slowly if at all. But we shall see!

I didn't want to make this an overnight change, but when I went to the kitchen to plan what we'd be having, I wasn't impressed by the foods just drenched in fat and loaded with carbs. I took a trip to the grocery store and couldn't believe why eating healthier is drastically more expensive. Thanks to SparkPeople.com, we are logging what we eat and seeing how bad certain foods really are. Another small change we are making is tracking our water intake. 8 cups a day is really quite tricky if your body isn't used to it. I feel so full and sloshy from that. My exercise plan will be soccer on Sundays, walking the boys to and from school (because I've become lazy and was driving 3 blocks), and possibly something as a family each week like basketball in the park.

They say the first two weeks are the hardest. I will lean on Jason and he can lean on me and we'll figure things out together. After all, we're not used to this. I hope we both have something (or a little less of something!) to show for it this summer!

The Poetry of Love(making)

2007-04-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

Sigh of satisfaction
Perfection
Serenity

Translation of love
into kisses
that slow the hands...

linger...

and at the same time
send the heart racing

Anticipation of meeting bodies
familiar and comfortable
is wildy exhilarating

After all this time
you still trigger
spiraling eartHQuakes
of pleasure
and raw, unequivocal emotion

And the aftermath is

Sigh of satisfaction
Perfection
Serenity

Don't Be So Snooty Booty!

2007-04-25T15:35:00.000-07:00

RANT ON:

To the stuck-up ho bag at the Clinique counter at Macy's: The next time you need assistance in a store (and I hope it's Wal-Mart) I hope they huddle into a little blue-vested gaggle of snickering employees and whisper amongst themselves about the snobbish, clown-faced beeyotch who looks like she needs something but appears too high and mighty to get it herself. I hope you stand there at least ten minutes, until they help lowliest scrub you see (that'll be me) before they'll help your ass. Seriously, I'd rather shop Wal-Mart than be in the company of such bitches. Oh, and your caked-on makeup...it's not working, I still see the wrinkles you haggard ol' prune.

RANT OFF:

I will stick to shopping online!

The Soundtrack To My Life

2007-04-16T18:33:00.000-07:00

I've always wanted to create the soundtrack to my life. If anyone can tell me how to embed the songs into my post it would be greatly appreciated! I hope to post the lyrics sometime, when I can find a nice site to copy & paste from.

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Lookin' Out My Back Door

Steve Miller Band - Fly Like An Eagle

Fleetwood Mac - Little Lies

Bryan Adams - (Everything I Do) I Do It For You

No Doubt - I'm Just a Girl

The Cranberries - Linger

TOOL - Forty six & 2

Savage Garden - Truly, Madly, Deeply

Shawn Mullins - Lullaby

Lou Bega - Tricky, Tricky

Dave Matthews Band - Crash Into Me

Rob Thomas - Little Wonders

Grounded

2007-04-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

My best friend came to visit this past weekend. I left the kids behind for a day full of shopping, a pleasant girl's night out dinner with plenty of adult convo, then capped the night off with a good mixed drink which I will add to my list of favorites- the Smith & Wesson. We laughed lots, the three of us, and I appreciated their drunken laughter! The thing is, I probably won't remember any of that like I remember the conversation we had in the car as I dropped her at her parent's house where she was staying.

I was upset that her visit was already over. She asked about me coming to her place soon and I replied that of course I would try to make it over there. There was a silence but not uncomfortable like a first date- no, it was like the world around us had fallen silent and we were just listening for each other to speak. She listens to me like no one else.

My mind turned to our 10th high school reunion coming this summer and of course my mouth followed. Was she going? Who would be there? What would I tell them I'd done with my life? Jason is disappointed with me. I'm JUST a stay-at-home-mom. What can I tell them I've done? And then she spoke those words that put me right back in my place. She said "What about me? I spent all that time and thousands of dollars on a degree I don't use. What I do have, I don't have anyone to share it with. I get lonely." It was my turn to listen without interjecting. Then she said "Success isn't measured by degrees or the size of the house you live in or the money you make. Just do what makes you happy....do what makes you happy." My how well she grounds me.

Damn, why it did not strike me sooner I do not know but there are people out there that want what I have. I am happy being the one to raise my children. I like that responsibility because it is much more than money in someone else's pocket. I mold and shape lives. I also get to share my bed with the love of my life and he is always there for me to gush to about the kids, to vent to about my mother's shortcomings, to embrace me at night after a bad dream...seriously, I could go on and on about the benefits of mating for life. To think, I envied her single life but how thankful I am not to have to brave the bar scene or go through who-knows-how-many first dates and those uncomfortable silences, weeding out losers, or falling for someone who doesn't return the feelings.

I picture myself walking into my reunion (the girls at my side of course!) because I've found lifetime friendships. I'll bring my husband with me. I'll hold his hand if the mood strikes. I can be proud that I've found what so many of them have not- true love- and I found it early so by the time the boys venture out on their own, I'll still be young enough to enjoy my husband's company in so many ways. I'm not so skinny as I was then but I've got curves that I earned! I will introduce my kids and be proud of who they've become as it's me helping them along the way. I will be only what I best know how to be. Me.

It Never Fails...

2007-04-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

It's like the toast always landing buttered-side down theory. If I book a picture appointment, one of the boys ends up with a very visible injury before said appointment. This time it was Weston. Heck, who am I kidding- it's usually Weston. This time he was dancing not-so-gracefully on the tile floor in the laundry room, slipped, and whacked his forehead on the corner of the dryer on the way down. Ye ouch! A goose egg immediately sprung forth. Poor kid hardly cried until he saw it in the mirror, then he was wailing. "I'm gonna be ugly! I can't go to school like this Mom!" he cried. I assured him that it would reduce in size if we could get an ice pack on it. He agreed and rested in my arms until sure enough, the swelling went down...some. I'm starting to think I should forgo setting picture appointments altogether!

Do you WINZY?

2007-02-22T11:54:00.000-08:00

Search the web. Win prizes for searching. Easy enough!
Sign up with me by clicking the little blue circle.

A Tease

2007-02-21T15:30:00.000-08:00

Just like the ocean in this picture lapped at my toes and retreated, the weather these days teases me so! I am forced to live painted in summer faux-finish. The night removes all traces of warmth. "February" implies that winter is up to its usual cold tricks. The thermostat is up and down and up again. Why must the sun that warms my bones, my soul...be stolen from me as quickly as it kisses my freckled nose?

*******

I am a product of summer. Tank tops, flip-flops, sandals. Painted toenails peek through. Surf and sand, hand in hand. Sandcastles. Eccentric shades. Road trips. Best friends. Big city. Double scoops. Sexy sundresses turning heads. Wet, tousled hair or sleek ponytail. Soccer on green grass. Working up a sweat is hot. Juicy fruit. Blushing peach. Pink cheeks. New freckles appear. Coconut-scented tanning oil. Glistening skin. Radiant glow. That's just summer sinking in. Now, hurry up and begin!

You are SUCH a nerd!

2007-02-14T15:49:00.000-08:00

That's what he said when he discovered what I had done to his car for Valentine's Day! It looked straight out of Cupid Pimped My Ride! I painted sappy nothings on the windows in red. "The brightest red I've ever seen," he said.

Hot Stuff! I love this man! XOXO! Be Mine!

It was filled to the brim with red and white balloons. On his steering wheel was a Valentine card I'd had made with our picture on the front. I completed the package with an antenna ball of a little devil/angel. Who knows which one he's going to get tonight?!

Super Bowl XLI

2007-02-04T12:52:00.000-08:00

While preparing Jello Jigglers last night, I had a little extra Jello to mold so I dumped it into a random glass for the boys. This is what I had today...

I thought it'd be fun to share what's on my Super Bowl party menu. Super Bowl day is spent with our Dads, my Brother, and my Grandma, so I "cook" for 9. I say cook lightly because it's usually mostly appetizers but this year I'm making a roast to go with it all as a main dish.

Roast done in the pressure cooker
Lil' Smokies
Meatballs in Jamaica Mistake sauce
Homemade Chex Mix
Jello Jigglers in helmet and football shapes, blue for the Colts!
Hickory Farms sausage, cheese and Ritz crackers
Asparagus, ham, and cream cheese roll-ups
Jalapeno chips
Cherry cheesecake

The tricky part will be moderation because I'm supposed to play an 8pm soccer game tonight!

GO COLTS!

Hives!

2007-01-29T20:06:00.000-08:00

8 am - Oldest bub wakes up with hives on his back. The culprit still eludes us. We review his diet and remove bedsheets but nothing is out of the ordinary.

8 pm - He's drenched in calamine and has taken Benadryl like clockwork every 4-6 hours. The hives have sort of morphed and multiplied, migrating to his arms and legs making them beet red. The spots sort of radiate warmth.

Mom's on the spot. Do I take him to the doctor or wait out the night? I wonder; could it be the stress he's been under? I want him to sleep peacefully. I want him to wake up hive-free. I hate it immensely when my babies are in discomfort.

Figuring out FIL and other stuff on my mind

2007-01-26T00:11:00.000-08:00

It's after midnight and when I lay down to sleep, random things keep reverberating around my mind. Sleep's not happening...for me anyway. Jason is sleeping so soundly he didn't hear me creep from the room and is oblivious to the clack-clack-clacking of the keyboard one room over.

Mother-in-law (MIL) called today and was in a talkative mood. I tried to be an active listener, nevermind the fact it's hard to get a word in edgewise. But the 20 minute conversation we shared led me to some understanding of FIL. They were both so young and naive when they met. MIL was being beaten by her stepfather and FIL was her knight in shining armor. I heard how he stood up to her stepfather, scooped her pitiful tear-drenched body up in his arms and took her home. He proceeded to wrap her in a blanket and gave her a glass of wine. He vowed "never again would that animal hurt her." The only way she knew how to repay him was sexually and a child was born of it, my future husband. They married way too young. When problems arose, he basically told her that if she wanted to walk out the door and experience her childhood to go and she broke his heart and took him up on it. He was crushed.

Which leads me to a better understanding of why he is the way he is today. In one word I'd define him as a hermit. The failed marriage and a drunken car accident in which he lost his arm and his best friend while he was at the wheel really turned him against opening up to others. I can only imagine how hard life has been for him, looking down and seeing where his arm used to be and thinking that damn- he was lucky because it was just an arm. Someone's life was on him.

Other things seem so minor after typing that out. But I will share anyway to get them out of my head. Tyler is going through something right now, and while I can't give details he's a bit stressed and could use some positive vibes if you've any to spare. Jason didn't get the supervisor position but another position has come up, one that he's attempted to get twice before. Third time's a charm? I got the nerve up to call my Mom out of the blue the other day, not to ask any favors but just to chit-chat. Thing is, she is just silent on the other end and waits for me to talk. I don't know how to take that.

I hear Jason stirring in the bedroom so I must get back to bed. He swears he sleeps better when I'm there next to him so I hope one of us gets a good night's rest!

You Decide

2007-01-22T11:38:00.000-08:00

Finding Christmas Spirit

2006-12-23T10:20:00.000-08:00

It's hard to get into the Christmas spirit when it takes 40 effing minutes to leave the mall parking lot. Yesterday, I took the kids to Night at the Museum. We found a parking spot with minor effort but leaving was a bitch! I told the kids to pee before we left. Weston said he needed to go but could hold it. Great, one less line to wait in. Outside it was bumper to bumper down every row. People couldn't back out and were getting agitated. The parking lot echoed with angry car horns and people shouting, as if either did any good. I hear tell that the white Cadillac in front of me had been in the same row for more than an hour. In front of them was a transit bus with its flashers on. Leave it up to me to turn into THAT row. Then to top it all off, our heater has a mind of its own and decides it wants to shut off as it pleases. By now both of my loverly children have to pee. *Insert teeth-chattering and pee-pee dance here.

Finally, a kind middle-aged gentlemen emerged from the Cadillac and marched up to the intersection. I chatted with a few passerbys and turns out he was late to work so he decided to take matters into his own hands. Traffic slowly but surely started lurching forward. Car horns subsided. I said goodbye to the spot I'd idled in for no less than 20 minutes. I must've felt the tingly warmth of holiday spirit because I could've hugged that stranger. Or maybe the boys weren't the only ones that had to pee. After our parking lot adventure, we were pleased as punch to arrive home. It was a race for the one bathroom. One of the downfalls of our small house.

We woke up this morning to snowy bliss and the boys were so excited. It'll be a white Christmas after all. Christmas just isn't the same without a little snow. And to the man who was late for work that risked his own well-being to direct traffic, thank you. For Christmas, you gave me my sanity that night and even the hope that there is still Christmas spirit out there among us if we are willing to sacrifice a little for others.

A Mom's review of Charlotte's Web

2006-12-16T10:14:00.000-08:00

This is one of those movies that I wanted to see more than the kids ha ha. I had to bribe them to go give it a try with me. But a bucket of popcorn, two giant sodas and a bag of Twizzlers later we were happily snuggling in front of one of the classics from even before my childhood. E.B. White's cherished novel was published in 1952. The movie was quite like I remember the book, but certainly not a replacement! The animals were truly brought to life with very vivid computer imagery. Seriously, sometimes it is hard to distinguish between what's real and what's computer animated. Dakota Fanning is adorable and determined as Fern, who saves Wilbur the runty pig from his certain doom. And Julia Roberts as the voice of Charlotte the spider was a lovely choice. Charlotte reminded me of a teacher, gently guiding Wilbur and promising to save him. The movie returns again and again to the theme of keeping your promises.

My boys ages 8, 6, and 2 1/2 sat through the entire movie without getting distracted. We had a few good laughs but I was more pleased with how it let you feel such a range of emotions from being sad and scared for Wilbur to happiness at the lengths friends will go for eachother. The movie follows White's ending as well, tears and all. Charlotte dies after making her spider egg sac. It might bring up questions from younger children but if you have a hard time explaining death like I do, this might just be a chance to get a dialogue going. It did upset my more "emotional" child some. It is just ones of those movies that pulls and tugs at the heartstrings until you think you will most certainly burst. New life breathed into a classic tale certainly appropriate for the whole family, but especially those that read the book in the past!

Christmas Crack Recipe

2006-12-15T21:46:00.000-08:00

It only has that name because it is so addicting! I will be asking Santa for larger pants this year hehe. It is so easy and yummy. Would make a good neighbor or teacher gift.

From KraftFoods.com

Crunch Bars
Recipe Rating: Prep Time: 10 min Total Time: 32 min Makes: 16 servings

35 PREMIUM Saltine Crackers
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter or margarine
1/2 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
1 pkg. (8 squares) BAKER'S Semi-Sweet Baking Chocolate, chopped
1 cup chopped PLANTERS Walnuts

PREHEAT oven to 400°F. Place crackers in foil-lined 15x10x1-inch baking pan.

PLACE butter and sugar in saucepan; cook on medium-high heat until butter is completely melted and mixture is well blended, stirring occasionally. Bring to boil; boil 3 min. without stirring. Spread over crackers.

BAKE 5 to 7 min. or until topping is golden brown. Immediately sprinkle with chopped chocolate; let stand 5 min. or until chocolate is softened. Spread chocolate evenly over ingredients in pan; sprinkle with walnuts. Cool. Break into pieces.

Variations: I use a bag of "chocolate chips" instead of baker's chocolate. Any type of "chip" works, like I tried the caramel & chocolate swirl but they make so many kinds! Hershey's kisses would work too.

Toppings: Walnuts or other nuts, crushed Heath or Skor bar, candy cane

2006-12-15T14:09:00.000-08:00

I spent half of yesterday preparing for Jason's work Christmas party. By the time 6 'o clock came around, everything came together in one sexy little package- the waxed brows, the painted pink toenails, silky smooth legs, the sultry smoky eyes and lips of wine. I had one of those days where I felt 110% woman. I exuded confidence which is unlike me but it felt damn good.

The party was nice, despite the fact it was held on a Thursday night and in a busy and loud casino. It wasn't the games or the prizes that I enjoyed most. Sure I enjoyed the drinks but they didn't do it for me either. It was the attention! I kept noticing eyes on me and it felt really good to ditch the frumpy so-and-so's Mom look I usually sport. I could get use to glam! Before you target me for going out seeking the attention, you must know that at the end of the night it sure felt amazing to come home with the man I love and hear him say he thought I looked really hot, maybe even hotter than when we met. That having kids has been really good to me. And we did what we used to do as teens, spontaneous and carefree and 100x better because we are still in love almost 9 years later.

Jason took time out of his busy day today to drop by the house bearing flowers, the ones in the picture! It was a sweet gesture. He told me how his co-workers had been telling him today how nice I looked last night and that he felt lucky I was by his side. And while it's back to motherly things like making Christmas candy and taking the kids to see Charlotte's Web, I can't wait 'til MILF gets to make another appearance.

What's Gross?

2006-12-11T12:57:00.000-08:00

Discovering a sippy cup under the couch where the heater vent blows that's been there who-knows-how-long with an unidentified molding liquid inside.

What's Grosser Than Gross?

Going to wash out the sippy cup and realizing you've smelled that exact same odor before inside Safeway.

Housework- The Downward Spiral

2006-12-11T09:20:00.000-08:00

In my daydreams, I tear through the house like a maid on a mission, dusting trinkets, tossing trash, meticulously folding clothes and making beds 'til they scream of Martha Stewart crisp corners. When I peer into the shiny cold metal of the kitchen sink, I stare back at myself instead of a week's worth of soiled dishes begging for a drop of Joy or twenty. The tubs are scum-free, the toilet is spotless and releases the scent of bleach and there are no more damn Legos under my feet because each and every toy has a place. I am able to deep clean the whole house and it stays pretty much that way with some minor daily maintenance. Right?

Wrong, wrong, wrong! Boy is that wrong. Or should I say "Boys is that wrong?" The laundry multiplies. When the kitchen is clean, I actually enjoy cooking for my family but that just makes more dishes. When I clean the tub, it seems like everyone in the house wants to bathe in it with some sort of filmy bubble bath or I shave which upon draining sticks to the filmy bubble bath and coats the tub with tiny hairs. Made beds are thrown into a state of "unmade" daily. This dust bowl desert we live in is unforgiving and dust sneaks in daily from I don't even know where and threatens electronics and my state of sanity.

Know what really throws the house into a state of chaos? Christmas decorations. You know what I've got now? Pretty clutter. Whoopdefriggindo. Can you sense my excitement? Thing is, I know it makes the boys happy. A ceramic snowman/knick-knack Santa/jingling wreath upon every nail and shelf and I've got a dazzling mess. I just hope company looks no farther than the Christmas decorations!

So here's a plea to the hubby this year. All I want for Christmas is a maid. Really honey. No fancy diamond jewelry because I probably won't get to wear it often enough. No slippers and pajamas and fancy smellin' bubble bath because I won't have time to relax. Forget the big screen T.V. (unless I can hide some of the clutter behind it perhaps?) and that pretty purple Dyson I've been eyeing is useless unless you can find somebody to push it. Yep just a maid. Now I'm going to go play on the computer, ie: google Merry Maids.

Sweet Gesture

2006-11-28T19:48:00.000-08:00

Despite the chill in the weather, Connor warmed my heart. I was getting him a bowl of doughnut holes for breakfast this morning when the phone rang. I carried his bowl with me and set him in the chair next to mine with his doughnut holes and milk and carry on my conversation. He gets up 30 seconds later while I'm busily gabbing away and returns with another bowl of doughnut holes. I said "Honey, I already got you a bowl," nodding toward his barely touched treats and he replied "For Mama" and handed them to me. So thoughtful!

I Tried

2006-11-05T11:41:00.000-08:00

(...having my friends over for dinner even if all I have is a can of soup to serve and the house isn't spotless!)

The house was in a state of UNcleanliness and we had a Homestyle Bake. Yup, dinner from a box and salad from a bag. But it was all good. The girls enjoyed not having to cook and clean up. We watched Over the Hedge for the gazillionth time and we even had a baby rave and gave the kids glowsticks in the dark while watching the episode of Spongebob "Jellyfish Jam" which features music you can't help but groove to. A good time was had by all.

In Search of an Icon: Breastfeeding Symbol Contest

2006-11-02T08:21:00.000-08:00

These are the three finalists for Mothering's Breastfeeding Symbol Contest. Scroll down to vote for your favorite. I'm guessing this is what you'll see on rooms designated for nursing mommies!

View MicroPoll
Web Survey

Our Pumpkins are Smashed

2006-10-31T09:06:00.000-08:00

And they didn't even wait 'til Halloween was over this year. I woke up this morning to find three pumpkins- two big and one small- smashed in the street. Seriously, why dontcha just smash my heart instead? The boys will be crushed when they realize the pumpkin guts splayed on asphalt used to be their pumpkins.

Costume Caper

2006-10-30T14:23:00.000-08:00

The Halloween costume I had picked out for Connor he doesn't even like. It's Tigger, and has a big puffy part on the hood and he just doesn't like having it on his head. Fine, so I know Old Navy costumes were marked down this morning to $3.97 so I head over there 1/2 hr. early- first one there waiting and occupy a toddler 'til the door starts to open. I see the chicken costume about his size on a rack inside. Just one. The gate thingy starts to come up and I'm tall and holding Connor so I can't get under it right away. I wait. Some other biotch who hadn't been waiting in line like the rest of us ducks down under the gate and runs in and swoops up the costume. The last one. Connor is crying because I picked him up to go inside. I'm crying because people can just be plain mean sometimes! The moral of the story: She that steals the chicken, gets chicken pooped on.

Connor's Crush

2006-10-29T21:51:00.000-08:00

Everyone was occupied in the house, except Connor who was quiet as a mouse. He climbed up to the computer and clicked on a search advertisement for Vanessa Minnillo. By the time we arrived on scene, he'd pulled up a dozen or so windows with pictures and stories pertaining to Miss Minnillo. At first we thought the older boys had done it because the name was typed into the search bar, but apparently this "popular searches" advertisement fills the search bar in for you when you click a name. If this wasn't amusing enough already, we found a stack of Vanessa Minnillo pictures in the printer, like the one posted! I think someone has a crush! Vanessa, he may be two, but he's got mad computer skills!

I Wanna Try...

2006-10-23T10:29:00.000-07:00

Wearing houndstooth, picking my own numbers in the lottery, dark nailpolish, a short haircut, sleeping in past 10am, giving my husband more compliments, crocheting and knitting, turning off the phone for an entire day, turning off the internet for an entire day, wrapping the next present I give in fancy paper and a bow instead of using a gift bag, telling my Mom I still love her, pulling out the camcorder more often, having my friends over for dinner even if all I have is a can of soup to serve and the house isn't spotless, growing pumpkins, searching for treasure with a metal detector, driving a tractor, picking fresh huckleberries, rediscovering my dreams, painting a mural with the boys, paying for the meal of an older couple, fresh coconut milk straight from the coconut, r e l e a s i n g the things in my past that I dwell on too often, smiling at complete strangers, recycling all of my Diet Coke cans, photographing the kids amongst a sea of bluebells, raw sugar cane, inventing something useful.

Less is More

2006-10-13T09:42:00.000-07:00

I once read about a family that gave away all but 7 days worth of clothes. Each family member had an outfit for each day of the week. That led to less laundry and less time deciding what to wear each morning. Think of all the stifled "Honey, I need a work shirts," and "Mom, I can't find socks." It sounds simple. It sounds...heavenly. As it is, if we broke out the new duds I have stored, we could probably go at least a month and not wear anything twice.

I buy clothes, lots and lots of them, and then I have to find a place to put them, a place to store them until the right season and size approaches. Some clothes in my closet won't ever see the light of day, yet they take up residence on potential hangers while other clothes lurch and reproduce on the floor...and on the dressers (well, any flat space available) and more still folded on the couch wait to be put away. Sometimes we go straight to the folded clothes piles for clean clothes. The closet rods bow. The washer and dryer tremble with upset stomachs and occasionally eat a sock upon which I go buy more socks. The baby ones are especially cute...

Stop the insanity! I'm going to pack up the sundresses I wore in junior high and the work pants I wore to my first job. The skinny jeans I won't ever fit again and the too-tight tops are tacky and toss-worthy. I can't believe I'm even saying this, but I'm done buying clothes for awhile. After all, new clothes are just raw laundry. Less will indeed be more. More time, more money, more freedom!

From Teacher's Pet to Room Parent

2006-10-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

My favorite teacher ever was Ms. K for second grade. Jason also had Ms. K, twice- kindergarten and second grade. Well this year, Tyler was lucky enough to get Ms. K for his second grade class! Ms. K says it's the first time she's ever had one of her previous student's children in her class, but to make it even more special- two of her previous students got married, and our first son gets to be in her class! What made Ms. K stand out amongst other teachers I had was how she encouraged my creativity. She always had fun activities for the subjects I loved- reading, writing and spelling. She encouraged us to seek out knowledge on the topics that interested us. This year, I'm pleased to accept the responsibilities of room parent for Ms. K. I volunteered in previous years but was always too late. This year I signed up at back to school night and she chose me. I hope that Tyler enjoys having her as a teacher as much as I did. This should be an enjoyable school year for us all.

Ty's Eyes Update

2006-10-06T11:00:00.000-07:00

Our insurance does not cover vision therapy, so I decided to check other options- through our secondary insurance, the state, the school, etc. and I've come up with nothing but dead ends. We flat out can't afford it. Do you know how rotten it feels to not be able to afford something your child needs? I'm just heartbroken over this.

Down But Not Out

2006-09-28T17:07:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged for weeks, haven't signed on to messenger. Neglected the laundry, the vacuuming, the entertaining. I've been down again. With the dreaded hunting widow loneliness hanging over me and blustery winter gray skies ahead, I've been in a funk and a half.

What do you do when you're in a funk? I blame it also on PMS and a message board thread of random confessions from housewives like myself, but I feel so blah. The housework isn't getting done. Clutter is taking over. Day in, day out it's the same thing, same routine. I want so strongly to believe that I'm not falling back into depression- that's why I'm calling it a funk. I know I can pull myself out because I've done it before but for the life of me, how? And after typing it all out, it probably just sounds pitiful, but I don't think people around me recognize how low I am because I must put on a seriously convincing facade. I will apologize now for the negative energy this post may bring but it really helps to get it out. Like anonymous (and not so anonymous!) confessions on that thread. Each one like a dram of poison reluctantly swallowed, then suddenly regurgitated, rushing to the surface in an explosion of relief...no longer sickening.

A little later, the same day...

It does help just knowing that I'm not alone. I really should buck up and tell DH because he seriously has no idea! He just gripes about me being on the computer too much and not getting any housework done. Since I posted, I got two big boxes of stuff ready to drop off at the Goodwill and pulled the boys' summer clothes out of their drawers and boxed it up. It's not much, but it does help.

Later still...

Well I've talked to the husband about it now, briefly by phone. He says he noticed I've been withdrawn lately. As always, he is willing to help me through this. I already knew that but needed his reassurance. Needed to hear that he noticed. I also talked to my best friend and she will be coming into town this weekend so we can spend some girl time. We both need eachother's company right now so this ought to be soothing for our souls. Slowly the day has gotten better. When you're really low, there's only one rational way to go, right? That's back up.

Book Buddies

2006-09-22T16:55:00.000-07:00

Weston was so excited when I picked him up from school today. He won a contest. Last night at the school open house, the boys entered a drawing. Weston's name was drawn, one of just three names drawn out of 175 entries received. He won the change to pick a new book every month for the remainder of the school year! He got to visit the library and pick his first book today. Well the little sweetheart did something very unselfish, a magnanimous act of love towards his little brother. He used his very first book choice to get Connor a "Go, Diego, Go" book. The boys have already taken turns reading it to him. A shining example of brotherly love.

2,996 Honoring the 9/11 Victims

2006-09-11T08:46:00.000-07:00

Graphic courtesy of Ginger at GinMom2TrevTris@aol.com

September 11th, 2001. There was a man across the United States living a life distinctly different than my own. On 9/11, we both woke up to face the day. I probably skipped breakfast that morning. Michael Lepore enjoyed cooking. Perhaps he had scrambled eggs and croissants with fresh coffee. I can picture him sitting with a view of his perfectly manicured garden. I changed a diaper or two and stepped on some Legos to get to the kitchen to pour some Cheerios into melamine bowls and splash them with milk for my children. Michael prepared for a day at work, as a project analyst in the technology division at Marsh & McLennan. His partner may have cleared the table of dishes. It was a typical day in that we were both in the company of loved ones.

I can remember exactly what I was doing during the terrorist attacks of 9/11. I was in my pajamas and I'd just sat down at the computer to read the Yahoo headlines that a plane had crashed in the World Trade Center. I remember at that time I wasn't phased. I didn't know the implications until I flipped on the news. I wore my pajamas all day. I cried. I made phone calls. I was glued to the breaking news for days to come, as I'm sure folks all over the nation, all over the world were.

That was five years ago to this day. My children won't remember what happened that day, but I will never forget, and neither will Michael's partner of 18 years, David O'Leary. When I signed up for The 2,996 Project, I cringed at the number. I wondered what God was thinking beckoning 2,996 angels to the gates that day. I sought out every piece of info I could by searching for Michael Lepore on the internet. I wanted to know anything and everything I could so I could pay a special tribute to Mr. Lepore. I craved detail. I wanted to get past the numbers. What I left with was an overwhelming feeling of gratitude.

I read that Mr. Lepore was very giving- went out of his way for strangers. He might have told me to call him Michael. He was a dedicated family man, taking pride in his relationship with David and making his house a home. He and his partner were restoring a Usonian ranch in Yonkers with a multitude of windows overlooking a terraced garden. He had three cocker spaniels and a collection of mission-style furniture. He adored his mother Jean Lepore-Carlucci and the adoration was mutual. It seemed like many family events centered around Michael, his home, his cooking. He was just 39. Michael and David were just getting settled into their careers, on the brink of enjoying the fruits of their labor together. 39...

My thoughts go out to Michael's family at this time. David, I wonder how five years has treated you; if Michael crosses your mind when you tend to the garden or stroll through the train station. May you always be blessed with thoughts of the best times you and Michael spent together. I am ending with a thank you for the gift that Michael's story has given me, and that is appreciate every day. Surround yourself with loved ones and express your love to them often by doing small things like cooking a homemade Italian meal or sharing the garden's bounty of eggplants. This is a rich, blessed life. R.I.P. Michael Lepore. You will always be missed. To all the families affected by 9/11, we will never forget.

2006-09-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

Your actions appalling
My respect stalling
In the middle of

the game of life

Your freedom to love
My freedom to stray
Every right to leave what's fake

all behind, executing

selective ignorant bliss

MLD

Wanta Fanta-sy Football? Don't You Wanta?

2006-09-07T14:23:00.000-07:00

I've joined the once testosterone-laden ranks of Fantasy Football. As it turns out, I wasn't the only woman in attendance at the draft. What's wild is that I have enjoyed the whole process so far- in part because my dear husband and I have now another thing in common, and in part because I have the chance to whoop up on a bunch of unsuspecting men and walk out with some moola. I drew first pick so I confessed my adoration for Peyton Manning and snatched him up first thing. Today I contemplated my starting line-up, scouring pages of rankings, stats and recommendations. The first game is tonight and we are ordering pizza because it just goes with pigskin. It's time to get my Fantasy Football on.

R.I.P. Steve Irwin, "The Crocodile Hunter"

2006-09-05T15:55:00.000-07:00

Crikey! I didn't realize I was so strongly mourning the loss of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin until someone mentioned how empty the Irwin home must feel, where there once was a person so full of life. He loved his family and was devoted to his work. While his actions seemed at times daring and fearless to us, he was wildly excited and passionate about what he was doing. To him, that WAS normal. He WAS comfortable. He died doing something that he loved and chances are not a whole lot of people end up going that way. My thoughts are with his family.

Mosquitoes UNcontrolled

2006-09-03T14:47:00.000-07:00

A fairly new mosquito control building was built at the end of town. The parking lot is never full. I don't think I've ever seen more than a car or two there and those were likely employee vehicles. It has one of those in-and-out parking lots that are nice for turning around so today when we saw the doughnut shop was closed, we continued on to turn around in the mosquito control building parking lot and noticed it was landscaped with a s t a n d i n g p o n d. What moron was in charge of that one?

Three's Company

2006-08-31T11:37:00.000-07:00

Having three boys, I can attest that much is true. Connor misses his big brothers while they are in school. He's getting into everything, likely because his largest source of entertainment- his brothers- spend a full day at school. I keep finding more reasons why I like to have three. People argue that a parent only has two hands. Indeed I do, but Connor's big brothers each have two as well. The times are changing and amusement parks, travel packages, and special events now offer specials for families of "four or more." More company to enjoy the fun. Always at least one brother that will ride the Dizzy Dragons with you. And my new-found favorite reason why I like having three- Buy 2, Get 1 Free deals for back to school shopping. I bought Tyler and Weston new socks and undies for back to school and got Connor's socks and Elmo underwear free.

Leaving Uneasiness Behind

2006-08-31T11:03:00.000-07:00

I'm falling into the black-hole of comfort, the point of routine where it would now be a struggle to turn back. It has much to do with the passing of time. The people involved are predictable. The surroundings familiar. The performances at meetings, though sparse, are routine. I think a person can find comfort in many things- food, company, familiar territory, routine. But we don't have to necessarily like something or someone to be comfortable with it or them. It must follow that pattern of habitual predictability without straying too far, and as time passes, it melds into one's comfort zone. The black and white lines blur hazy gray. The initial uneasiness that comes with change fades into contentedness. Dare I say that for the moment I am content?

We're listing our house on the market! UPDATE

2006-08-28T22:36:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that should be "We're NOT listing our house on the market!" Gah, I knew I spoke too soon. We've been calling around to get pre-approved by some mortgage companies, and well we can get pre-approved but the downside is there is still no way we can afford the payment on the amt. we are looking at unless I get a job. We are lucky to have the interest rate we do on this place (4.75%) so it looks like we'll be staying around until I can get a job and save up some more. We'd been using those mortgage calculators online and thought we were ok but someone we trust told us that those do not add in stuff like property taxes and homeowner's insurance which raise the monthly payments substantially.

I'm so bummed.

The up-side is that the house is looking really nice! Wallpaper is a bitch to remove and I'll never curse anyone with that crapola. We plan to keep updating because we've been having fun doing little projects and seeing the improvements. It's all been a learning experience for sure!

A Melt Momma Moment

2006-08-27T13:10:00.000-07:00

The boys have been playing a little game where they fight over whose momma I am. It goes something like this, "My momma," then "No she's my momma!" back and forth until I say "I'm momma to all of you!" But last night, Connor got the final say. Since the boys share a room, some nights they stay up and chit-chat with eachother, sporadic giggles echo the room. Last night was not one of those nights. We had family come into town and the boys were simply spent, so bedtime was a breeze, or so I thought.

I passed through the hallway to use the restroom and saw Connor's big brown eyes peering around their bedroom door. I figured I'd go in and try not to say much to him so I wouldn't wake the older boys, re-tuck him in and see if he'd go back to sleep. He was especially lovey, pulling my face over so he could kiss one cheek and then the other. I tried to sneak quietly away and I hear this little voice pipe up from the dark proudly "Mine momma." With his brothers sound asleep, who was going to argue that?! It was a melt momma moment.

We're listing our house on the market!

2006-08-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

Our tentative date is Sept. 5th! The realtor came through tonight and gave us an entire list of small touch-ups and improvements we can do in the meantime. We are going to be BUSY! So if I'm not on as much in the coming weeks, you'll know why. Back-to-school AND putting the house up for sale. It was kind of a recent decision because we both long for a house big enough to entertain company in. We might need to find an apartment in between because we haven't picked out anything to purchase yet either. I'm nervous. But we're going head first whether I'm ready or not.

Strange Fella

2006-08-18T21:05:00.000-07:00

Isn't one of the first things you learn in kindergarten not to pop your fellow classmates' space bubbles? I think the man we encountered at lunch today failed kindergarten. He was clearly fond of children because he ventured over to our table way too enthusiastically. Now mind you this wasn't some waiter trying to entertain the kids. It was a stranger. A "couldn't be any stranger" type stranger. He approached with a get-up like this fashioned from his paper napkin.

Connor was not too keen on it and edged towards my Grandma on the other side of the table. The man followed Connor around the table saying in a wacky voice "What's wrong don't you like me? You're not afraid of the rabbit, are you?" He was urging Connor to put his finger in the rabbit's mouth. I was trying to summon the mommy radar signals and sort out his intents but my Grandma was smiling politely and Connor was in her arms now so I bit my tongue. He mentioned how his daughter just got married and he was waiting impatiently for grandbabies. The whole while his wife sat in the next booth and smiled on. And then the topper of the whole damn thing- he leaned over and kissed Connor's forehead. If Connor would have been in my lap the man woulda had a mouthful of that fricking stupid napkin rabbit.

I've reflected on the situation some and my mommy instincts were there the whole time. I didn't react. I strongly wanted to believe that maybe he just really enjoyed being around children and hearing them laugh. I felt I didn't react correctly in the immediate situation and since the feelings didn't pass right away, I used the incident to teach about stranger danger. I pointed out that he looked like a regular person but gave off a vibe that just wasn't right. I pointed out how he made us uncomfortable...he popped our space bubbles. The boys appeared to catch on and that's the best I can hope for. Next time, words will fly damnit.

Ty's Eyes

2006-08-10T20:56:00.000-07:00

I typed this up once today, but blogger was supposedly went into scheduled downtime. Even though it let me type up my whole fracking entry, I couldn't post or save it as draft. Grrrrr.

Ty's eyes are gunna make me cry! We went in today for a follow-up with the optometrist because he got his glasses prescription changed 3 months ago. In that short period of time, things have worsened. His eyes aren't working together properly so it's like he's reading with only his left eye. It will affect his hand-eye coordination and could affect his learning down the road without care now. But alas, there is a solution and it's called Vision Therapy. Vision Therapy is a 9 month program where he would go twice a week to train his eyes to work together. The catch is it's $80 per session, so $160 per week for 72 weeks and you have a grand total of $5760.00!

My jaw did that! That is so much money for us. The Vision Therapy people and the optometrist are going to contact our insurance and see if we will be getting any coverage. Please send positive thoughts our way. I don't wanna look into these chocolatey brown eyes and say it's not possible!

Floral Flair

2006-08-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

I just wanna dip my little toe into the artsy waters tonight. These all started from my original photos of the roses from Jason.

He Came Bearing Flowers

2006-08-09T20:00:00.000-07:00

"What did I do to deserve flowers?" was all I could think when he walked in the door. He wore the smile of a man pleased and his eyes sported the little wrinkles at the corner that I find just adorable. And it was so random and so spontaneous and he said something to this effect;

"I came to a realization today. I'm done ogling other women. I don't look at other women the same as I used to because I have everything I want in you. I'm completely content with the way things are between us. I can't imagine my life without you. I don't ever want to know what it would be like to live without you." And it was all of his own accord (bonus points!) and I am almost positive I melted into a glistening sappy puddle on the floor.

Nothing Profound

2006-08-08T14:02:00.000-07:00

Some days I sit down at my computer with all intent to blog something ingeniously profound. Today is one of those days. My fingers are at the ready position, the boss (my rambunctious, egocentric toddler) is napping peacefully in the next room, and all that remains is the repositioning of the thoughts from my head to the screen. Clack, clack, clickety-clack. I can dominate the keyboard and impose my will on it until words upon wise words fall heavily in a heap, compressing the others to the bottom of the pile until all that's left is pure insight into my tormented soul.

Not happening.

I've nothing profound to relay today.