Am I Unlikeable?

You are cordially invited

to a Pity Party for Shelly!

Place: Here, my blog

Date: November 1, 2005

Time: Now

R.S.V.P. Ahhh forget it, I don't expect anyone to come anyway

I've been thinking really hard about something lately, and it's bringing me down into a funk again. Am I an unlikeable person? Last weekend after soccer, some of the girls were talking about what they'd be doing, together, in the middle of the week. Just talking right over me like I wasn't even there. I felt just plain left out. I don't feel like I fit into any particular group, except maybe the bloggers. Blogging has given me an inlet to showcase my love of writing. I post rarely on my birth club (other Mommies with babies born the same month as mine post there.) The other board I'm a part of, well I don't click there either. PM's? Forget it.

I've noticed when it comes to a working environment, I won't make strong friendships with co-workers. I prefer not to get too personal. I prefer not to open up. In a way I'm afraid of being rejected. And since every job I've ever had I knew would be temporary, yeah, I'll admit I'm terrified of good-byes.

I try to put myself out there like I would want a friend to do for me. Extend invitations, keep in touch, keep dates that we set up mutually, etc. I'm not expecting these things to be returned materially, though it would be nice to be re-invited somewhere. I'm doing what I would want a friend to do. Isn't that the way to make a friend? Treat others as you would want to be treated? I'm just not getting it and it makes me feel unlikeable. Invisible.