Grounded

My best friend came to visit this past weekend. I left the kids behind for a day full of shopping, a pleasant girl's night out dinner with plenty of adult convo, then capped the night off with a good mixed drink which I will add to my list of favorites- the Smith & Wesson. We laughed lots, the three of us, and I appreciated their drunken laughter! The thing is, I probably won't remember any of that like I remember the conversation we had in the car as I dropped her at her parent's house where she was staying.

I was upset that her visit was already over. She asked about me coming to her place soon and I replied that of course I would try to make it over there. There was a silence but not uncomfortable like a first date- no, it was like the world around us had fallen silent and we were just listening for each other to speak. She listens to me like no one else.

My mind turned to our 10th high school reunion coming this summer and of course my mouth followed. Was she going? Who would be there? What would I tell them I'd done with my life? Jason is disappointed with me. I'm JUST a stay-at-home-mom. What can I tell them I've done? And then she spoke those words that put me right back in my place. She said "What about me? I spent all that time and thousands of dollars on a degree I don't use. What I do have, I don't have anyone to share it with. I get lonely." It was my turn to listen without interjecting. Then she said "Success isn't measured by degrees or the size of the house you live in or the money you make. Just do what makes you happy....do what makes you happy." My how well she grounds me.

Damn, why it did not strike me sooner I do not know but there are people out there that want what I have. I am happy being the one to raise my children. I like that responsibility because it is much more than money in someone else's pocket. I mold and shape lives. I also get to share my bed with the love of my life and he is always there for me to gush to about the kids, to vent to about my mother's shortcomings, to embrace me at night after a bad dream...seriously, I could go on and on about the benefits of mating for life. To think, I envied her single life but how thankful I am not to have to brave the bar scene or go through who-knows-how-many first dates and those uncomfortable silences, weeding out losers, or falling for someone who doesn't return the feelings.

I picture myself walking into my reunion (the girls at my side of course!) because I've found lifetime friendships. I'll bring my husband with me. I'll hold his hand if the mood strikes. I can be proud that I've found what so many of them have not- true love- and I found it early so by the time the boys venture out on their own, I'll still be young enough to enjoy my husband's company in so many ways. I'm not so skinny as I was then but I've got curves that I earned! I will introduce my kids and be proud of who they've become as it's me helping them along the way. I will be only what I best know how to be. Me.