Down But Not Out
I haven't blogged for weeks, haven't signed on to messenger. Neglected the laundry, the vacuuming, the entertaining. I've been down again. With the dreaded hunting widow loneliness hanging over me and blustery winter gray skies ahead, I've been in a funk and a half.
What do you do when you're in a funk? I blame it also on PMS and a message board thread of random confessions from housewives like myself, but I feel so blah. The housework isn't getting done. Clutter is taking over. Day in, day out it's the same thing, same routine. I want so strongly to believe that I'm not falling back into depression- that's why I'm calling it a funk. I know I can pull myself out because I've done it before but for the life of me, how? And after typing it all out, it probably just sounds pitiful, but I don't think people around me recognize how low I am because I must put on a seriously convincing facade. I will apologize now for the negative energy this post may bring but it really helps to get it out. Like anonymous (and not so anonymous!) confessions on that thread. Each one like a dram of poison reluctantly swallowed, then suddenly regurgitated, rushing to the surface in an explosion of relief...no longer sickening.
A little later, the same day...
It does help just knowing that I'm not alone. I really should buck up and tell DH because he seriously has no idea! He just gripes about me being on the computer too much and not getting any housework done. Since I posted, I got two big boxes of stuff ready to drop off at the Goodwill and pulled the boys' summer clothes out of their drawers and boxed it up. It's not much, but it does help.
Later still...
Well I've talked to the husband about it now, briefly by phone. He says he noticed I've been withdrawn lately. As always, he is willing to help me through this. I already knew that but needed his reassurance. Needed to hear that he noticed. I also talked to my best friend and she will be coming into town this weekend so we can spend some girl time. We both need eachother's company right now so this ought to be soothing for our souls. Slowly the day has gotten better. When you're really low, there's only one rational way to go, right? That's back up.
What do you do when you're in a funk? I blame it also on PMS and a message board thread of random confessions from housewives like myself, but I feel so blah. The housework isn't getting done. Clutter is taking over. Day in, day out it's the same thing, same routine. I want so strongly to believe that I'm not falling back into depression- that's why I'm calling it a funk. I know I can pull myself out because I've done it before but for the life of me, how? And after typing it all out, it probably just sounds pitiful, but I don't think people around me recognize how low I am because I must put on a seriously convincing facade. I will apologize now for the negative energy this post may bring but it really helps to get it out. Like anonymous (and not so anonymous!) confessions on that thread. Each one like a dram of poison reluctantly swallowed, then suddenly regurgitated, rushing to the surface in an explosion of relief...no longer sickening.
A little later, the same day...
It does help just knowing that I'm not alone. I really should buck up and tell DH because he seriously has no idea! He just gripes about me being on the computer too much and not getting any housework done. Since I posted, I got two big boxes of stuff ready to drop off at the Goodwill and pulled the boys' summer clothes out of their drawers and boxed it up. It's not much, but it does help.
Later still...
Well I've talked to the husband about it now, briefly by phone. He says he noticed I've been withdrawn lately. As always, he is willing to help me through this. I already knew that but needed his reassurance. Needed to hear that he noticed. I also talked to my best friend and she will be coming into town this weekend so we can spend some girl time. We both need eachother's company right now so this ought to be soothing for our souls. Slowly the day has gotten better. When you're really low, there's only one rational way to go, right? That's back up.
posted by Shekky @ 5:07 PM
3 Comments:
Awww, I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. I hope things improve. I'm glad you're not out.
Shelly
I am right there with you, if you had noticed my absence from another place. Down in the dumps. feeling a little overwhelmed, cluttered, needing to take a break. nothing is really helping at this point.
even cleaning out summer clothes and neglected toys hasn't helped. hope we both pull out soon. xoxo
(((hugs)))
hope you're feeling better now. Normally DH gets the cleaning job on the weekend because I'm working, but you are definately not alone during the week!
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