Losing...

can be a good thing! I woke up Saturday morning just after Jason. He was reading quietly in the living room so I asked if he'd come back to bed and cuddle with me. He obliged and we were laying there in silence when I just blurted out "Let's start a diet together." Now we'd both put thought into this before but never had the follow through. Frankly, I was tired of hearing him ask for help losing weight when I didn't exactly know how to go about it either.

So many reasons to lose...energy being a big one for me. Our family vacation is at a water park. My 10 year high school reunion is pending this summer. When I was doing Curves last summer, I bought some new clothes for this summer but now they are a little snug. I want to be a good example for my children. I could continue.

With Jason and I supporting each other, we can share in our successes and find fixes for failures. What I fear most is being able to find motivation- to exercise, to prepare healthier foods rather than give in to convenience and fast foods. Right now I'm going on the excitement of a new plan of action, and I am looking forward to weighing in Saturday. I am afraid that with less to lose that it will come off slowly if at all. But we shall see!

I didn't want to make this an overnight change, but when I went to the kitchen to plan what we'd be having, I wasn't impressed by the foods just drenched in fat and loaded with carbs. I took a trip to the grocery store and couldn't believe why eating healthier is drastically more expensive. Thanks to SparkPeople.com, we are logging what we eat and seeing how bad certain foods really are. Another small change we are making is tracking our water intake. 8 cups a day is really quite tricky if your body isn't used to it. I feel so full and sloshy from that. My exercise plan will be soccer on Sundays, walking the boys to and from school (because I've become lazy and was driving 3 blocks), and possibly something as a family each week like basketball in the park.

They say the first two weeks are the hardest. I will lean on Jason and he can lean on me and we'll figure things out together. After all, we're not used to this. I hope we both have something (or a little less of something!) to show for it this summer!

The Poetry of Love(making)

Sigh of satisfaction
Perfection
Serenity

Translation of love
into kisses
that slow the hands...

linger...

and at the same time
send the heart racing

Anticipation of meeting bodies
familiar and comfortable
is wildy exhilarating

After all this time
you still trigger
spiraling eartHQuakes
of pleasure
and raw, unequivocal emotion

And the aftermath is

Sigh of satisfaction
Perfection
Serenity

Don't Be So Snooty Booty!

RANT ON:

To the stuck-up ho bag at the Clinique counter at Macy's: The next time you need assistance in a store (and I hope it's Wal-Mart) I hope they huddle into a little blue-vested gaggle of snickering employees and whisper amongst themselves about the snobbish, clown-faced beeyotch who looks like she needs something but appears too high and mighty to get it herself. I hope you stand there at least ten minutes, until they help lowliest scrub you see (that'll be me) before they'll help your ass. Seriously, I'd rather shop Wal-Mart than be in the company of such bitches. Oh, and your caked-on makeup...it's not working, I still see the wrinkles you haggard ol' prune.

RANT OFF:

I will stick to shopping online!

The Soundtrack To My Life

I've always wanted to create the soundtrack to my life. If anyone can tell me how to embed the songs into my post it would be greatly appreciated! I hope to post the lyrics sometime, when I can find a nice site to copy & paste from.

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Lookin' Out My Back Door

Steve Miller Band - Fly Like An Eagle

Fleetwood Mac - Little Lies

Bryan Adams - (Everything I Do) I Do It For You

No Doubt - I'm Just a Girl

The Cranberries - Linger

TOOL - Forty six & 2

Savage Garden - Truly, Madly, Deeply

Shawn Mullins - Lullaby

Lou Bega - Tricky, Tricky

Dave Matthews Band - Crash Into Me

Rob Thomas - Little Wonders

Grounded

My best friend came to visit this past weekend. I left the kids behind for a day full of shopping, a pleasant girl's night out dinner with plenty of adult convo, then capped the night off with a good mixed drink which I will add to my list of favorites- the Smith & Wesson. We laughed lots, the three of us, and I appreciated their drunken laughter! The thing is, I probably won't remember any of that like I remember the conversation we had in the car as I dropped her at her parent's house where she was staying.

I was upset that her visit was already over. She asked about me coming to her place soon and I replied that of course I would try to make it over there. There was a silence but not uncomfortable like a first date- no, it was like the world around us had fallen silent and we were just listening for each other to speak. She listens to me like no one else.

My mind turned to our 10th high school reunion coming this summer and of course my mouth followed. Was she going? Who would be there? What would I tell them I'd done with my life? Jason is disappointed with me. I'm JUST a stay-at-home-mom. What can I tell them I've done? And then she spoke those words that put me right back in my place. She said "What about me? I spent all that time and thousands of dollars on a degree I don't use. What I do have, I don't have anyone to share it with. I get lonely." It was my turn to listen without interjecting. Then she said "Success isn't measured by degrees or the size of the house you live in or the money you make. Just do what makes you happy....do what makes you happy." My how well she grounds me.

Damn, why it did not strike me sooner I do not know but there are people out there that want what I have. I am happy being the one to raise my children. I like that responsibility because it is much more than money in someone else's pocket. I mold and shape lives. I also get to share my bed with the love of my life and he is always there for me to gush to about the kids, to vent to about my mother's shortcomings, to embrace me at night after a bad dream...seriously, I could go on and on about the benefits of mating for life. To think, I envied her single life but how thankful I am not to have to brave the bar scene or go through who-knows-how-many first dates and those uncomfortable silences, weeding out losers, or falling for someone who doesn't return the feelings.

I picture myself walking into my reunion (the girls at my side of course!) because I've found lifetime friendships. I'll bring my husband with me. I'll hold his hand if the mood strikes. I can be proud that I've found what so many of them have not- true love- and I found it early so by the time the boys venture out on their own, I'll still be young enough to enjoy my husband's company in so many ways. I'm not so skinny as I was then but I've got curves that I earned! I will introduce my kids and be proud of who they've become as it's me helping them along the way. I will be only what I best know how to be. Me.

It Never Fails...

It's like the toast always landing buttered-side down theory. If I book a picture appointment, one of the boys ends up with a very visible injury before said appointment. This time it was Weston. Heck, who am I kidding- it's usually Weston. This time he was dancing not-so-gracefully on the tile floor in the laundry room, slipped, and whacked his forehead on the corner of the dryer on the way down. Ye ouch! A goose egg immediately sprung forth. Poor kid hardly cried until he saw it in the mirror, then he was wailing. "I'm gonna be ugly! I can't go to school like this Mom!" he cried. I assured him that it would reduce in size if we could get an ice pack on it. He agreed and rested in my arms until sure enough, the swelling went down...some. I'm starting to think I should forgo setting picture appointments altogether!